Life is not so subtle…

Hi everyone, its been quite a while is since I last blogged about anything and believe me when I say life is really complicated and in a pathetic state these days. Although a lot of fun is going on but somewhere in my mind, there is great fear of getting a back in Chemistry. This village is full of awful people but still some of them teach really good. And one of them is our Chemistry Sir, I believe that is the reason why he wants us to be very good in Chemistry even when I know that I can never be. I tried very hard in Chemistry in both the pre-finals but still couldn’t pass which gives me the sense of failing in this course, this semester. Now coming to the even worse part, I need to work very hard in order to carve my path out of Academic Probation. My current GPA is 5.4 which gives me a very good reason to stay in AP this semester. Now, the tougher part goes, whether I score good enough to build up a score in the next semester so that I don’t literally go into an AP. At times I get so rude in this frustration that later I regret my way of talking.
There doesn’t seem to be any better side of it until the end of the semester. I need to get over all this bullshit happening. I haven’t done anything productive in months. All I have is my laptop which sits there like a dumb machine and I, like a dumb-ass is just busy looking or thinking that someday, I’ll be able to atleast to something that I want to do in life. Every day, I wake up to see that there is a waste day ahead of me. My life has become extremely pathetic. I need to do something else than this fun. I don’t want to be a part of all this fun because it doesn’t feel so fun to me. I wanted to be a programming, not a guy mugging Solid Mechanics or Thermodynamics. These are not my subjects of interests, but people don’t understand this. I don’t want to be a mugger and I don’t understand how anyone can make me something I don’t want to be. I am not really comfortable here. My parents and grandfather have a lot of expectations from me, that makes me even more fearful, but still I am trying my best to cope this up.